Mephista
by Ainaof
Summary: Quick, funny, one-shot. Dean goes to a bar to avoid thinking about a bad anniversary. It works, but only because he ends up thinking about something else. Now he needs Sam to give him a hand. If Sam can stop laughing long enough, that is. Complete.


**_A quick one shot inspired by my dog. You'll understand when you get to the end._**

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T (just in case). Reviews and criticism are welcome if you have the time/inclination. Thanks!  
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Mephista

Sam absentmindedly picked up his cell phone, noting Dean's number on the caller id. Eyes intent on the computer screen and his research, he answered, "You want me to come pick you up already? It's still early for you."

Dean announced a few hours earlier that he was walking to a local bar and he'd call if he wanted a ride back to the motel. Since it was an anniversary of sorts for Dean, but not a good one, Sam knew better than to push him on this one.

"No! Absolutely not. Do not come and get me in the Impala. Keep my baby away from me right now. I'm walking back. But I need you to do some quick research and a supply run before I get there." Dean sounded loud, slightly panicked, and sober.

Instantly, Sam was alert, sitting up in the chair, focused on every nuance in his brother's voice.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, really. Nothing life threatening. I just had... a little accident, that's all."

"What? Are you okay? What happened? Tell me where you are, I'm coming to get you right now."

"No, Sam! No. I mean it. I got skunked, that's all."

Sam's brain stuttered to a stop as too many possibilities filtered in at once.

"You mean you're drunk?"

"No."

"You mean the beer at the bar was bad?"

A sigh came through the phone. "No, the beer was fine."

"You mean you got sprayed by a skunk?"

"Ding-ding-ding. We have a winner."

Sam frowned even though Dean couldn't see him. "How in the hell did you get sprayed by a skunk inside a bar? In the middle of a small town, no less."

"I wasn't in the bar, Einstein. I was in the alley _behind_ the bar."

"Why were you? Wait, never mind. I don't think I want to know."

"The bar's bathroom was out of order! I needed to go. And I guess the skunk got a little pissed at being pissed on."

Voiced laced with disbelief, Sam asked, "You pissed on a skunk in an alley behind the bar?"

"Yes."

"And it sprayed you?"

"Yes."

"So you want me to research how to get rid of the smell, go get the supplies and meet you back here?" Sam opened a tab on his browser and started up a search.

"Yes. Thank you. Finally."

"Why don't you want me to come pick you up?"

"Because I don't want this smell getting into the interior of the car. We'd never get it out. It stinks, Sam. I mean really stinks. Like a wendigo and a wet dog mated and gave birth to something dead."

"Okay. I get it. How long do you think it will take you to walk back?"

"Maybe thirty minutes. I'm walking slow. The smell is worse if I walk faster."

Sam swallowed hard to avoid laughing. "Okay. I'm researching now. I might be a few minutes. Just wait for me. Don't shower right away."

"Why? That's all I want to do."

"Water reactivates the smell. We have to get something to neutralize it first."

"You mean we gotta kill it first?"

"Yeah, Dean. We have to kill it first. Then you can shower."

"Okay. I'll see you at the room. And Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Hurry."

* * *

><p>Sam drove up to the motel and grabbed the bag from the seat beside him. Dean was sitting on the curb outside their room.<p>

"I've got the stuff we'll need to make the remedies." He got close enough to catch a whiff of his brother. "Dude, you reek!"

"Shut up, Sam. I told you what happened." Dean stood, scowling. "Let's get inside so I can get rid of this smell."

"You stink so bad. I don't think I've ever smelled anything so bad. Ugh. How do you stand it?" Sam blinked away the tears that were forming in his eyes.

At this, Dean smiled. "Oh, Samantha. You don't have to cry. I'll be okay. As soon as we mix up the stuff to get rid of the smell. Come on!"

"It's not that. I just, you really stink. It's making my eyes water. And I think I'm going to puke."

"Don't you dare. We don't have time for this. Man up, let's go. We need to get the funk off me. I'm making myself sick here." There was a pleading note in Dean's voice and Sam found himself on the receiving end of a puppy dog look, or the best approximation Dean could manage.

"Oh brother. Come on. Leave the boots out here. I think we're going to have to just get rid of them. We can try washing the clothes, but I don't know if we'll have any luck. I've got a trash bag to put them in until we get to a laundromat."

Dean left his shoes outside and stepped over the threshold. He immediately began shucking clothes into the bag that Sam handed him. While he did that Sam took hydrogen peroxide, dishwashing liquid, and baking soda out of the store bag and began mixing them together in a large bowl.

He said to Dean, "Take this into the shower with you. Stand in the tub and rub this all over, except in your hair. Use the vinegar for your hair. Scrub good, then shower like you normally would."

"Why can't I use that stuff in my hair?"

"Peroxide acts like a bleach. You'll end up a bleach blond. I'm mean, if that's a look you're interested in trying out for a while..."

"No, no. I'll use the vinegar on my hair. And this stuff will, what did you say, neutralize the smell?" Dean sat gingerly on the edge of the bed in his boxers, a towel spread beneath him.

"According to the research I did. You could try using the vinegar on the rest of you if you still stink after this is done." Sam stirred the ingredients, then carried the bowl into the bathroom.

"Where's the vinegar?" Dean called to him.

"Still in the bag. I got a couple bottles, just in case. I thought we might have to wipe down your cell phone and wallet too."

He came back into the room to see Dean rummaging through the bag. Then his brother looked up, frowning.

"Uh, Samantha? Do a little shopping for yourself? What the hell is this?" Dean pulled a large box of feminine douche out of the bag.

Sam laughed. "No, that's for you."

"Excuse me?" Dean dropped the box into the bag immediately and then stepped away from the bag.

"People swear that it works. I thought if the vinegar wasn't strong enough for your hair, we could try that." He bit his lower lip, trying hard not to laugh at the expression on Dean's face.

"You want me to wash my hair with that?"

"Only if the vinegar doesn't work. And you don't have to. I mean, you could just smell like skunk if you'd rather."

"Oh hell, no." Dean closed his eyes and appeared to be silently counting. Then he walked to the pharmacy bag, picked it up, and headed for the bathroom. Before closing the door, he turned to Sam.

"I need you to do more research."

"Uh, okay. What am I looking for?"

"Is it true that skunk can only spray once every few days? That's what you need to find out."

"Sure thing. Why am I looking this up?"

"Cause when I don't smell anymore, we are going back to that alley and kill that thing. But only if it can't spray me again."

Dean slammed the bathroom door shut on this pronouncement. Sam smiled and listened to the grumbling and swearing on the other side of the door. About twenty minutes later, the shower started up. Sam knew by the time Dean got out, he would have forgotten about killing the skunk. Unless the vinegar didn't work. In which case, Sam decided, he'd just lie and tell Dean there was a strong likelihood that the skunk would be able to spray them both. He chuckled as another muffled curse came from the bathroom and started researching.


End file.
